Generally speaking, you have done a good job for your presentation and you can well deliver what you would like to convey to the audience, but there are still many aspects that you can make further improvements in order to make your presentation a more impressive one.

Firstly, you have really started with an effective introduction by asking a question that “How many of you would like to work in an environment that…”, which can easily gain the attention of the audience. At the same time, this proposed question can directly establish the rapport between you and the audience so that they are willing to listen to your speech. However, I hold that it would be better if you can say “hello” to the audience before you put forward your question.

Secondly, what is a pity to say is that you seem to be a little fast in your speed so that it may be hard for the audience to easily catch you. As a result, their attention may be distracted and it is difficult for them to keep listening to you afterwards. At the same time, you do not have used enough transitions throughout your speech. There is no doubt that your ideas and thoughts may be hard to smoothly flow together to support the purpose of the speech due to your lack of transition words. In this way, the audience may be confused as for when you change to a different point of view during your speech. Based on this, you can try to use more transition words in order to make your speech more logical.

Thirdly, I personally appreciate a lot your clear pronunciation, which has greatly contributed to clarity and effectiveness. Also, your volume is appropriate for the audience to listen to and they can be comfortable while listening to your speech. Nevertheless, it can improve your speech more or less if you can change your pitch and rate throughout the speech. In so doing, the interest and curiosity of the wide majority of audience can be drawn all the time, contributing to their getting the most from your speech. The same case as well goes to your rate and intensity while you are speaking different aspects during your speech. The fluctuation in pitch, rate, volume and intensity can undoubtedly play a key role in making your speech more appealing so that the audience can focus on your speech nonstop. In this way, you can provide high effectiveness and persuasiveness of the message for the audience.

Fourthly, it is obvious that you have done well in controlling your use of filler words, which can make your speech a high quality one. However, what has to be pointed out is that you can look at your script frequently for your draft but it is better not to do that next time. Therefore you can have a fair knowledge that it is better for you to memorize more content of your script in order that you can successfully deliver your speech without relying on the script too much in the end. In that way, you can increase your eye contact with your audience in order to make your audience communicate with you through the eye contact. Eye contact can really influence much as for whether you can gain the resonance of the audience and whether you can successfully convince the audience as for what you deliver. In this sense, the importance of eye contact can be readily detected.

Fifthly, I have to say that gestures are the weaknesses of you during the speech. It can be understood in this way that you don’t have used effective gestures during your speech, which determines that you lack of the ability to make your gestures help deliver your ideas together with the words. As a matter of fact, hand gestures can be used to illustrate ideas and add energy to the presentation and reinforce the message as appropriate, suggesting that you miss a good chance to take advantage of your hand gestures. Luckily, your posture never sways throughout the presentation so that you can complement and accentuate the message. In this way, the audience can realize your respect toward this speech at last, which motivates them to lay high importance on your speech accordingly.

Last but not the least, I would like to say that your conclusion is undoubtedly clear and succinct because you have used the transition phrase “all in all” to end your speech. In so doing, you can successfully remind the audience that your speech will reach an end.